


Turmoil

by archangelwithashotgun



Series: Tumblr Prompts [74]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean, Brother Feels, Brothers, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pre-Slash, Sam is the Voice of Reason, Scared Dean, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7609957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archangelwithashotgun/pseuds/archangelwithashotgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt: Destiel and "Dean coming out as bi to Sam and Cas, with hints of Destiel."</p>
<p>Dean has some hang-ups about his sexuality. Sam is there to help him through and to come to terms with his feelings toward a certain angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turmoil

When Dean thought about coming out as bisexual, there were multiple scenarios that came to mind.

At first, they manifested as a coiling burn of the most horrifying dread in his gut. They were echoes of John’s voice bellowing wordless obscenities at him, of his father’s hands gripping his wrists and clawing his blunt nails deep into the tender flesh of Dean’s forearms, of John’s steel-toed boots that were still caked with dried mud and blood becoming christened with Dean’s as they dug into his abdomen. They were sinking thoughts of what his mother would think, of those smiling blue eyes that were frozen in pictures filling with raw disappointment and shame for the son she had.

They were clear visions of Sammy, his gleaming hazel eyes and innocent expression flooded over with bewildered confusion and eventual hate, cowering away from Dean’s embraces and shifting his gaze to avoid his older brother. Sam calling him a freak, an abomination, pushing him away and distancing himself.

That, out of anything his mind could throw at him, was what Dean was scared of the most.

As time went on, their father died, they discovered their destinies and defied them, they encountered new allies and foes alike, they came face to face with demons and the Devil and angels and literal Death and the Darkness and _God_ …

And Castiel.

When Castiel arrived in his life, when the angel really planted himself as a permanent presence in his life, Dean was terrified. Breathtaking, heart-stopping, knees buckling, blood-running-through-flashes-of-hot-and-cold _terrified_.

Because Dean found himself melting underneath the scorching fires of blue, his own eyes tracing the fine lines of Castiel’s jaw and cheekbones and flitting to stare at chapped, pink lips. Because waves of electric synapses shivered through Dean’s nerves from Castiel’s voice, low and rough with crackling power that just enraptured Dean.

Because Dean fell for the angel that fell for him, and he didn’t know what to do.

When Dean first discovered his feelings toward Castiel, he immediately recoiled with disgust toward himself; Castiel was an angel of the Lord, the son of freaking God himself, and that should be enough for a direct one-way ticket to Hell, right? Because it wasn’t enough that Dean was attracted to men, but to be attracted to a non-human species on top of that?

He repressed everything he felt toward Castiel down, and that’s what he believed.

At first.

Over the years, Dean slowly and gradually allowed himself to actually _see_ what was in front of him.

Sam loved him. Sam practically worshiped him growing up, and Sam _adored_ him. That was pure fact that Dean had known since childhood. Dean finally came to terms with that fact’s clause which clearly stated Sam would love him _no matter what_.

Sam’s range of acceptance was astounding in an otherworldly sense; Dean hadn’t realized it before, or hadn’t truly allowed himself to, but his little brother was so much more open-minded and embracing of other people than Dean had given him credit for. The kid had a freaking heart of gold and diamond and all the other great things of the world, and Sam would take Dean for who he was and love him no matter what.

And _Cas_.

Rather than disappearing like he had fought so hard for, his feelings toward Castiel only grew. Surged up. They swelled and they twisted around his heart and squeezed tightly until Dean couldn’t breathe, the weight alleviating only when Castiel’s eyes met his.

He and Castiel had been through so much together, literally going through Hell and back as commencement to their friendship. Dean had become a damn _demon_ , bonded to Darkness and morphed into a figure that angels were supposed to despise, and Castiel still stuck around, still saved him.

He had to believe that Castiel loved him too, even if it wasn’t the way Dean wanted him to.

So finally, _finally_ , Dean began to believe that Sam and Castiel would still love him if (when?) he came out to them. And Dean desperately wanted to tell them. It just never seemed like the right time.

So when it _did_ happen…

Well. It didn’t happen in the way Dean expected it to happen.

No drama, no shocked silences, no angry yelling, no judgement. There wasn’t even any tears. Not that Dean wanted tears, anyway.

In retrospect, what had actually occurred was so painfully silly in comparison to what Dean had expected.

It was a slow day, no pending cases nor ones eligible for their line of work. It was nice and quiet for once, and Sam and Dean were enjoying their rare downtime by relaxing in the Bunker. Castiel had shown up sometime in the middle of the day and Dean was quick to invite him to settle in for a beer, the pair of them sitting down at the table in the middle of the war room.

Sam was sequestered in one of the armchairs near the wall, typing away at his laptop. Dean just let himself ease into the calming atmosphere, swirling his beer bottle in front of him as he watched Castiel absently, humming amusedly when Castiel’s lips pursed at the bitter taste of his drink.

There was a sharp inhale by where Sam was.

Brows furrowing curiously, Dean turned to face his brother, and his heart dropped.

Sam’s eyes were stretched open wide in revelation, his gaping stare flickering between both Dean and Cas. Suddenly, Sam lurched forward in his seat, mouth slack in open comprehension as he struggled to form audible words, his laptop teetering dangerously on his thighs, pointing wildly at both him and Castiel.

Dean knew exactly what his brother was trying to say, and he jumped out of his seat and marched over to his brother in a panic.

“Not here, not here, not here,” he hissed, placing the laptop down on the seat of a separate armchair before hauling Sam up.

“You—! Oh my—“ Sam squawked, still pointing over toward Castiel as Dean shoved his shoulder into Sam’s chest, pushing him hurriedly toward the door.

“ _Not here!_ ” Dean snapped before glancing quickly over his shoulder toward Castiel, who was hovering uncertainly over his seat. “Stay there, Cas! We’ll be back!”

“Um, okay,” came the perplexed reply from behind him as Dean shoved his brother out of the door and down the hall, away from Castiel’s hearing range.

“Keep quiet,” Dean growled as Sam opened his mouth once more, choking off any word that threatened to escape Sam’s throat. “In here.” Clasping his hand around Sam’s shoulder, he whirled his brother around and pushed him into his bedroom. He quickly followed after Sam’s stumble, closing the door behind them both. Dean clenched his jaw as Sam whipped back around, his eyes just as wide and his mouth still slack as he raised his finger to point again.

“You like him!” Sam hissed, his eyes gleaming with glee and looking as though all of the answers of the universe were suddenly presented to him. “You _like_ him!”

Dean thought about denying it. He actually opened his mouth to, but the words went dry in his throat, and he couldn’t. Dean couldn’t deny it. Not when it was presented so blatantly to him, and not when it was to Sam.

He just couldn’t.

Huffing out a long and resigned sigh, Dean ducked his head and rubbed the nape of his neck. From the other side of the room, he could hear a sharp exhale echo throughout the room.

“Whoa, you actually like him,” Sam breathed. “Wow.”

Dean furrowed his brows and glanced up at the other man.

“ _Wow_?” Dean repeated, a nervous yet hard edge to his voice.

Sam raised his hands defensively. “Dean, I’m not judging or anything here, I promise,” he said gently. “I just… I just wanted to know what took you so long to tell me. That’s all.”

Dean’s heart throbbed in his chest. “So… you knew?”

“No,” Sam shook his head. “Not about Cas, and not about… Well, that you liked guys too. What took you so long to tell me?”

Dean swallowed, pursing his lips together uncomfortably. “I-I don’t know, Sam. I mean, I guess I just…”

“… Yeah?”

Dean’s eyes fluttered shut and his shoulders dropped with another sigh. “I just wasn’t ready, okay? Not at first. But I did want to tell you.”

Sam nodded and the corners of his mouth lifted into a tiny smile. “Okay. Dean, it’s okay. I’m not… I’m not treating you any different, I’d never do that. You’re my brother.”

The last phrase alone was enough to melt away any lingering tension off of Dean’s shoulders, the hunter’s eyes pinching together in a hard blink to ward off the burn. Within his chest, Dean’s heart inflated and grew hot with overwhelming gratitude and he cleared his throat, reopening his eyes.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he ground out roughly.

Okay, he couldn’t stop the thin film of tears that formed in his eyes. So sue him.

Sam, thankfully, did not bring this up or draw any attention to it. Rather, the younger man’s smile widened and he nodded before bringing up another point.

“So… you gonna tell Cas?”

Dean scoffed lightly and shook his head. “About my being bi or about me liking him?”

“Both?” Sam shrugged.

“I wouldn’t even know how to tell him,” Dean replied honestly. “I don’t even know if he likes _guys_. He’s technically not even a guy, he’s just in a male vessel and that’s – oh crap, I never thought about that! He’s using some guy as a vessel and – “

“Okay, okay, okay, first of all, _calm down_ ,” Sam placated, stepping forward to place grounding hands to each of Dean’s shoulders, giving the frantic man a small jerk. “Jimmy’s soul isn’t inside of his body anymore. Cas said himself that Jimmy’s in Heaven. So Cas is actually Cas now… If that makes any sense. Second of all, it’s like you said; Cas is technically genderless. Something tells me tells me that his point of view about this whole thing will remain utterly neutral.”

Sam’s hands slipped up to firmly cup Dean’s jaw when the older hunter look doubtful.

“I’m disregarding your whole ‘no chick-flick moments’ crap to tell you that Cas cares about you, and if you let him, I’m sure he’ll like you the way you want him to,” Sam assured. Slipping his hands from Dean’s face, Sam stepped back and shrugged. “And who knows? He probably already does.”

Struck dumb, Dean could only stand there and blink at his brother.

“… You could be a shrink. Why did you settle for being a lawyer?”

Sam chuckled. “Jerk.”

Dean smirked, allowing the familiarity of the banter to bring him back to Earth. “Bitch.”

Sam grinned. Dean huffed and nodded, pressing his lips together in a tight line. Gone was the dread and the terror swirling in his gut since he had first suspected he was bisexual, replaced by a surge of fresh fondness for his little brother and newfound hope for telling Castiel.

“Sammy,” Dean started, shifting his weight anxiously between his feet, the jittery feeling coming back in light of the request he was about to give. “You mind, uh, stepping out for a while?”

Dean caught the honest smile on Sam’s face before his brother smirked mischievously.

“A while, or for the night?”

“You’re such an _ass_ ,” Dean snickered, cupping a hand over his eyes as his face flushed. Sam laughed heartily for a moment.

“Fine, I’ll step out,” Sam readily agreed once he was able to speak clearly again.

Dean dropped his hand from his face, and his expression softened into a genuine smile toward his brother.

“Thank you,” Dean whispered.

Sam smiled in turn. “Yeah, no problem.”

They both knew Dean wasn’t just talking about Sam leaving for the moment.

Dean sighed and turned towards the door. Armed with the open support of his brother, the indirect support from Castiel, and the hope for something good in his life for the first time in a long time, Dean walked back toward the war room. Back to Castiel.


End file.
